No really, I’m curious.  Tell me.

“Stories were like people.  We pretended they all counted, but almost none of them did.”
-Sam Lypsyte, “The Ask”

Oh Vancouver,

Where to begin.  I came to you in a crisis of sorts, and being strangers, I expected the hard set jaws and unmet eyes I have become accustomed to.  Imagine my surprise when I arrived on your doorstep and you embraced me wholly in your skinny, white, Canadian arms, no questions, no judgement, no averted eyes.
We spent 6 blissful, uninterrupted days together and I like to think I got to know you a little bit.  Not the kind of knowledge that comes from a long-term relationship, no deep understanding (yet?), but I was certainly intrigued and reluctant to say goodbye.
It all seemed too good to be true and naturally I had my doubts about where we’d end up after the week.  In my usual negative way, I searched for any speck of dirt on your glossy exterior, instead I found myself becoming more and more infatuated.  The closer I looked, the more I liked what I saw.
Your streets, for example, they are so clean.  Not once did I step in (or see for that matter) poo left haphazardly on the sidewalk, its human or animal origins unknown. There was no trash; sure a scrap of paper here and there, some blackened, flattened, pieces of gum fusing to the sidewalk, but for the most part, I felt free to look around while walking, without fear of stepping on or in something unspeakable.  This level of cleanliness seemed to pervade every aspect of your being.  Your public transportation, spotless.  Your buildings!  Everywhere I went, people were washing their windows; at home, in shops, in restaurants…everywhere (and I am not exaggerating this).  I don’t know what your obsession is with spotless windows, Vancouver, but I am a fan.  Your people, too.  Everyone seems to take incredibly good care of themselves; all well groomed, well dressed, fit.  I even met a few of your homeless citizens and while in fairly close proximity, I couldn’t smell them, their clothes where not caked in god-knows-what, they did not appear to be sitting in their own filth, and to top it off, they were polite.
Which leads me to my next point, your politeness was, overall, the biggest shock (and by shock I mean very pleasant surprise). There was a general calmness in you, a calmness I have not experienced in the few dalliances I have had with other cities.  The people I encountered were courteous, not pushy in the least, soft-spoken, and witty.  At one point when I was coming out of one of the light-rail stations and I emerged to find 4 straight lines of people, all approximately the same length.  Upon further investigation I realized that these people were waiting for the bus.  There were no lines painted on the ground indicating they should line up there, no one organizing the process, it was natural organization!  When the bus arrived, everyone waited patiently for people to get off and then for their turn to get on.  Amazing!  I don’t know how many times I have been actively bulldozed by people trying to get on the bart train here in San Francisco, without a single “pardon me,” or “sorry.”  I love that people in Vancouver say these things to each other.  I love that in Vancouver it is considered rude to say “mmhmm” instead of “you’re welcome” when someone says “thank you.”  In a city where I am constantly bumped into, glared at, screamed at, ignored to the point where I feel and act like an abused lover, it is easy to forget that things may be different elsewhere.  But you, Vancouver…your calmness, your politeness, it was a refreshing, long overdue, reminder that I am a human being, and there are others out there.
As if that weren’t enough to make me fall for you, I learned that we also have quite a bit in common, you and I.  For example, you love indie music and I have a great love of Canadian indie music.  Everywhere I went that was playing music was playing indie music.  Places that would be playing elevator music or some such nonsense here, was playing Arcade Fire, Stars or Tegan and Sara there.  I’d be chatting happily over a cocktail in a trendy bar full of welcoming and polite hipsters (I know, I was surprised that such a thing existed as well!) and during a lull my ears would pick up the faint sound of some song that gets regular rotation on my itunes and I couldn’t help but smile.  I mean, really? You didn’t have to go to all that trouble for me, you had me at the cute way you say hello, no need to add a soundtrack.  But really, it couldn’t possibly get any better.  I lied, it did get better.  You probably don’t know this, but I have long been a great lover of nachos, and so it seems are you, Vancouver.  Nearly every restaurant menu I looked at, in person or online, had nachos on it.  On this point alone, I think we were meant for each other. I don’t even mind that you are a little weird about them and add green onions.
I know you had distractions while I was there.  It was hockey playoffs and your team was in the running.  I thought it was pretty adorable how everyone was so excited about the games, dressing up in their best Canucks jerseys and sitting outside in the rain to watch the game with everyone else.  It was weird to see so many people excited about a sporting event and not even a hint of a malicious vibe in the air.  People got rowdy and drunk, but not in that ‘I need to dominate and destroy something’ way.  There were no roving bands of teenage boys looking to get into trouble like what seems to be a rite of passage here.  Not a single threatening word was uttered within my hearing.
I suppose I should mention the elephant in the room; the woman I was with, my partner Emily, I’m sure you gathered as much.  You were even nice to her.  You apparently love fancy, expensive cars, I’d list off some names here if I knew any, but I don’t, and you made such an effort to show them off that I kind of think you were trying to make an impression on her.  Well, you did.  She too loves fancy cars and would squeal in excitement every time you drove one past.  Thank you for that, I want her to love you too.  I also really appreciate that you are so cool about us being gay.  Not a single person called me sir!  In fact, everyone seemed to know that I am female.  Also, nobody (nobody!) gave us the evil eye for living our “alternative lifestyle” in public.  I know it seems normal to you, but it is a big deal to me to not have my life and my gender constantly questioned, it is an unfortunate occurrence that I have sadly become used to.  The fact that you are cool with us getting married and have been for a LONG time is a very appealing trait.  It just makes me want you that much more.
You, Vancouver, are truly beautiful.  Your amazingly green and luscious parks, your well-designed and well-built infrastructure, your lovely waterfront walkways, your friendly people… all so wonderful.  I am glad I got to meet you and maybe this spark we had will remain and give me something to look to in those dark moments when I feel a little lost and more than a little invisible.

I miss you already,

Terri

But, according to my most recent Halls Triple Soothing Action cough drop, I should go for it.  So, I am not going to let the amount of work I have to do discourage me.

I must be feeling better, because I just now noticed these little pep talks.

And, no,  I am not using this blog post as a way to procrastinate! Okay, maybe a little.

Thanks for everyone’s thoughtful comments on the last post.   Such insight!  I don’t know how I manage to know so many smart people.
This week I think it is time to lighten the mood a little bit.
I had this whole thing planned where I would talk about outsider’s perspective and never being able to see yourself in context, and how that impacts daily living/how you think about yourself, but then I decided that maybe I shouldn’t be so serious all the time.

So! In the spirit of learning (I am knee-deep in teaching myself to program in Ruby), I want to know what you all are learning. Here are your answerable questions:
What was the last thing that you  taught yourself and what was the learning process like?    Were you successful?  Did you have any help?  What motivated you?  And how did the process change you (because it inevitably does, right?)?

Oh yeah, here is the quote of the day:
“He took a grim and ironic pleasure from the possibility that what little learning he had managed to acquire had led him to this knowledge: that in the long run all things, even the learning that let him know this, were futile and empty, and at last diminished into a nothingness they did not alter.”
-John Williams, Stoner

… I can’t keep it all light and fluffy. 

Till next week!

What this means exactly, I don’t know.
I do know that I should probably work harder to keep those people that I care about close, even if there are great distances between us.  Because really, it is childish of me to think that a relationship of any kind can be entirely organic and still fulfilling.

The other thing that I took from your comments is that at some point we enter into a different kind of relationship that moves friendships, however deep and meaningful, into a different plane of existence; one that doesn’t hold a candle to a happy, healthy, romantic relationship. This I can’t argue with, or complain about.

That said, here is the question for this week:
Everyone feels nostalgic at times right? So, how do you rectify your reminiscing with your present life (however different it may be) without downplaying the significance of the present?  Or another way to ask what I think I’m asking, is how does one live in the present in a way that applies the same brevity (or whatever that strange feeling is) that the past holds?   Does that even make sense?

Lastly, I read this book months ago, but have since had this one line stuck in my head, and I think in a way it sums up what I am trying to get at.

“Things seem pretty crummy, but if they could carry us away with them, we’d die of poetry.  In a way that wouldn’t be bad.”
-Louis-Ferdinand Celine  From “Death on the Installment Plan”

It is not set in stone, but I am thinking the general format of this blog will be as follows:
I will ask a question that I have been thinking about and attempt to answer it myself.
I will ask another question and leave it open for discussion… meaning you should answer in the comments.  Then, I will take on that question again in the next post (or a later post depending on how in depth the discussion gets) and post some sort of conclusion or lack there of.   Of course, feel free to call me out on the first question in the comments as well.  Sound good?  Sound boring?

So, I have two initial questions that I have been thinking about that I believe are appropriate for the first post.

First,  why do people blog?
I know there isn’t any one reason that can be pointed to, but is there any over-generalization that would apply to some sort of majority?  Vanity?  Money?  Passion?  Information? Fame?  I tend to agree with whoever it was that said “to have a voice, however small.”  Who doesn’t want to feel like they have a voice.   Also, apparently, it makes people happy.
I’ll tell you my reason for starting a blog: the writing.   What kind of reason is that you ask?  Well, I find writing cathartic and hell, I want to have a voice, even if no one hears it.  Besides, I suppose I should put my writing degree to some kind of use.

Now, for the question I want you to answer:  Is it possible to have and maintain meaningful, deep, long-lasting, adult friendships?

Answer openly, answer honestly.